Superb!
There are many (actually, not many) people on this site who can draw but really don't have a well developed sense of design or color.
Not you.
You are great. (allah, allah, salami, baloney)
The writing in this is fantastic and the voice acting-if that's really you- is phenominal.
My only bit of advice is that when you record the voices- try to do them in an exaggeratedly slow manner this way when you speed them up they'll be more legible. (I know it seems like a "duh" but maybe it will help.)
You really have your craft honed, you should be proud.
Me, I'm just jelous.
P.S. pardon the spilling it's late in the evening and I've been hitting the wine *hic*